Taking my time
January's mantra is less "New Year, New Me", more "Slow and steady wins the race".
Hi, I’m Becky, an artist and writer based in Derbyshire. I write about my life in what I hope is an honest and open way. I write about mental health, autism, sobriety and simply trying to find my way in this world. Please subscribe to support my work and to read more of my posts.
Hi,
How are you? How is January treating you?
I have been taking my January at a slow and steady pace and it appears to be making for a much nicer January.
January for me is usually a lesson in feeling rather miserable, whilst no matter how much I push against it, falling into the trap of feeling like this is a new year and I best make the most of it. Right here, right now, in the very first month.
Last year I listened as people talked about how their new year wasn’t going to kick into action until the Spring and this made a lot of sense to me.
January is cold, dreary and dark. It has just followed Christmas, a time, for many people, of lie ins, hot chocolate and spending whole days watching joyful films under blankets. It is ludicrous that we all expect to jump into action on January 1st, pledging resolutions like getting up at 5am everyday so we can go running.
It’s January! 5am on a January morning will be pitch black and freezing.1 Wanting or needing to start your day later is not a crime. In fact, it is entirely natural. Before electric lights, central heating and the 9-5, everyone was sleeping and resting more in the Winter. It’s our natural circadian rhythms working how they should.
Less screens, more magick
Now, having said all this, I did decide to make changes this month BUT they were carried over from discoveries I made in December.
If you have been here since December, you will know that I took a few weeks off as I was tired and in need of a break. Before I went on my break, I got my first two posts for January written as I knew I wanted to take my time in January. I was not going to be bursting into action. I was going to be plodding my way into action.
To make my break an actual break, I deleted the Substack app.
I know many people speak of leaving social media but how Substack is different but I don’t really agree. I have wasted many moments in 2023, mindlessly scrolling on Notes. I feel that moment of dejection when a letter doesn’t do “well”. And that moment of comparison when I see that someone else’s post, that was published at a similar time, has soared. I go from feeling very proud of my writing to feeling that whisper of “You are not good enough” very quickly.
So, I deleted the app and, for a while, got stuck in a loop of checking my emails. The habit of picking up my phone was so fused into my daily life that I had to check something, anything!
As divine luck would have it,
had begun talking on her Youtube about digital minimalism and how her 2024 was going to be less about technology. I was intrigued, mainly because it played into feelings I was already having.I grew up in the 90s. We didn’t get a computer until I was a teenager. I didn’t have a mobile phone until I was around sixteen and all it did was make calls, send text and let me play Snake. My childhood was running around outside, playing Tig and Relievo. It was playing on my own and inventing characters. It was pretending to be Legolas off on an adventure on every walk I went on. It was spending hours making Christmas decorations out of Quality Street wrappers. It was “helping” my Grandad in the garden.
And, whether it is my 90s childhood or something else, I have remained a very analogue person.
I use pen and paper to journal and to make rough notes of writing ideas.
I cannot part with my CDs or DVDs. One, because not everything makes it onto streaming services. And two, because using the streaming services can sometimes feel like a minefield. There is so much to choose from that it actually makes it hard to choose.
I read proper books because I adore books and I really don’t enjoy reading on screens.
I use a bullet journal for keeping track of my everyday life. I have tried having my calendar on my phone or on a Google Calendar but I hate it.
Every Christmas, since 2017, my partner has bought my new bullet journal for the year and, in that limbo time between Christmas and New Year, I set it up with my Mum who also bullet journals.
With Charlie’s videos and my own feelings still whirring around my head, over a couple of those of limbo days, I got my bullet journal ready for the start of 2024.
And it was the most amazing couple of days.
It was just me and Mum (and sometimes my partner) sat at the dining room table, surrounded by pens, pencils, washi tape, stickers etc. No screens were involved and we didn’t even bother with music. We were just chatting or in silence and it was wonderful. I felt so present and creative. And I knew, this was how I wanted my 2024 to be.
I wanted to make the time to do the things that make me happy like, at the end of each month, getting my bullet journal ready for the next month ahead. I wanted to allow myself this time.
I wanted less screens and more magick and so I made more changes.
Life in Analogue
Firstly, I have brought my habit tracker back into my bullet journal.
For a year or so I have been using the Streaks app. I was recommended it by a coach and as someone who is adept at always feeling like I am wrong, I quickly forwent my drawn out habit tracker for the app. And I didn’t hate it! I think the notifications popping up on my phone actually helped me build up some good habits but, in 2023, something changed and I became very tired of notifications constantly popping up.
Next, I copied my Mum’s book tracker and set myself the intention of reading more books in 2024. Not far off double what I read in 2023.
In 2023, I read 47 books. This tracker has 83 spaces. And I am not someone who will be happy leaving spaces blank. I know for many people 83 books isn’t a lot but it, quite obviously, is for me. I am, however, not going to torture myself. If I am not enjoying a book, I am going to stop reading it. I am not going to force myself to read when I am too tired or not in the mood.
I already go to bed early every night so I can read and I really enjoy it and I intend to read more books by simply choosing reading. Choosing reading over putting on the telly. Choosing reading over scrolling on my phone. Choosing reading on my lunch break, instead of an old episode of QI. Also, if I need 5 minutes away from my laptop screen whilst working, I am going to pick up my book. Small little changes that are already making a big difference.
Thirdly, I have bought myself a quiet alarm clock. (It was very important that it was quiet because ticking would keep both me and my partner awake all night!)
I need and want to wake up at a regular time but I don’t want to have my phone by my bed all night. It is too easy to pick it up as soon as I wake up so a quiet alarm clock is proving to be an excellent alternative.
So far, I am enjoying all of these changes but there is still that little voice that tells me I need my phone because of all the what ifs.
What if my new alarm clock doesn’t go off? I should use my phone too as a back up.
I have relied on nothing but my phone for years and never worried it wouldn’t go off.
What if go on a walk and leave my phone at home and something bad happens?
Everyone who has been here a while will know that in the Summer last year I sprained my tendon so, on physio’s orders, I, currently, cannot walk for longer than 30 minutes. This has led to me staying very close to my home. And the array of other homes that are near mine. I think if something bad did happen, I would be able to get help. I could shout and someone would hear me! When I can go on proper walks again, I will take my phone, particularly if I’m on my own, but I will put it on airplane mode.
We are allowed to have moments where we aren’t available. I am someone who loves Whatsapp and texting because I hate phone calls (I am better in writing or if I can see you) but I hate that they have made it so we feel like we have to constantly contactable, particularly Whatsapp which declares to people that you have seen and read the message.
In January, I am taking my time. To get going for this year, to reply to messages. To live, wholly and fully.
In 2024, I am making the time to do the things I love - reading, spending the day bullet journaling, adding more magick to my day-to-day, whether that’s through yoga, a walk, practicing gratitude or keeping track of what the Moon is up to.
2024 is the year of listening to myself.
2024 is the year of taking my time.
2024 is the year of magick.
✨ How is your January going? Are you taking it easy or have you jumped in, guns a’blazing?
Thank you so much for reading. As always, if you enjoy this letter or anything resonates, please let me know by replying to this email or in the comments and give it a share or a restack. Thank you. 🙏
I hope you are having a wonderful January.
Take care of yourself,
Becky
🖤✨🌈
In the UK, where I am, at least.
Another gorgeous reflective post, Becky! I'm loving the way you're making space and time for yourself. Another person who loathes a ticking clock here! I've been meaning to get an alarm clock for my bedroom too, but I've been procrastinating because I don't want a tick or the glow of a digital one. You've inspired me to stop dithering and find one! Keeping my phone outside the bedroom was an intention for 2023 that I kept to and it worked really well. Since then I use my tablet (which I mainly only use for reading, keep in airplane mode unless I'm downloading something, and don't have any notifications on) as an alarm clock but even that I'd like to use less, especially at night. For this year (or this month, anyway, but the intention is to keep it going!) I've been experimenting with keeping my phone on airplane mode unless I'm using it for something - I started that towards the end of last year and it's made a big difference to my focus, so I want to keep and build on that practice. I've recommitted to morning pages and doing ~10 mins of breathwork in the mornings too; I don't always manage it but the ritual of it gives me a lot of meaning and benefit. I'm trying not to be too binary about it though which is where I've fallen down in the past!
I love your bullet journal. I have a neurodivergent family member who introduced me to the concept a few years back and my partner and I have done our week plans and daily to-do lists in that analogue format ever since. A lot of my other planning stuff is digital but the analogue version is the spine of it all! Thanks for sharing, I love getting this voyeuristic peek into other people's practices and processes! 💖
I relate to so much of this. The Quality Street decos, the analogue preferences, the being better in writing or face to face. So much!
Many of us are feeling this call to slow down and be more methodical.
Your bullet journal is brilliant btw!