Unmasking

Why 2025 is the year I will be myself and stop thinking I'm a complete fuck up. Or, at least, try to.

Hi, I’m Becky, an artist and writer based in Derbyshire. I write about my life in what I hope is an honest and open way. I write about an array of topics and about simply trying to find my way in this world. Please subscribe to support my work and to read more of my posts.

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I had a rough few weeks as the nights started to draw in. I had a lot going on. My anxiety was through the roof. We lost our precious cat, Poppy. It was a lot. Too much. The tears were real and flowing freely. I was shattered, both in the sense of feeling utterly exhausted and in the more literal slowly falling apart into tiny pieces.

I could just about do the basics of life - go to work and do the food shop.

I wasn't exercising and I felt bad about it. I kept thinking “This is the week where I get back to it!” Even when I was bent over with brutal period pain I was thinking “Maybe tomorrow...”

But, tomorrow never came. I just wanted to be in bed. I wanted slow, leisurely mornings, drinking my decaf tea and then eating breakfast. I wanted, needed calm.

Around this time, I received a newsletter into my inbox from one of the many personal trainers I was subscribed to. Within it, he was talking about how there was no need to be perfect when it comes to your exercise routine or diet. We all have times where we don’t have it in us to work out or to be meticulously healthy. He spoke about the importance of mental health as well as physical health.

I thought to myself “Wow! A personal trainer/fitness/sporty person who gets it! How refreshing. And how perfectly timed for how I’m feeling right now.”

But then I kept reading. And, this is not verbatim, but the newsletter ended something like this:

It’s fine to have a day on the sofa and to eat some Ben & Jerry’s. Just get back on it tomorrow. You will only do damage if you stop for days of weeks.

And a rage hit me.

Because I don’t know of anyone whose bad spell with their mental health only lasts for a single day. I found myself thinking “My periods take me out for longer than one day!”

And then I remembered the beautiful, perfect fitness influencer on Youtube whose ‘Stretching For When Your On Your Period’ routine I did and how she talked about how, on Day One of her period, she sits on the sofa and chills out. Until the afternoon, when she workouts.

We aren’t even allowed to take proper time off workouts when our uterine lining is being shed causing painful cramps, back pain, headaches, diarrhoea, nausea and the rest?!

The more I thought about it all, the angrier I got. I unsubscribed from multiple newsletters and YouTubes. I was so sick and tired of hearing this ‘One size fits all’ type of advice.

Because it most certainly doesn’t fit all.

And one of the many types of people it doesn’t fit is neurodivergent people.

How many times have I heard a fitness influencer, trainer or coach (even here on Substack!) go on about how ‘Consistency is key’ without any thought about how hard this can be for some people? More than I can bloody count.

“Do something for 30 days, you’ll do it for ever.” Will I? Will I? Because I’ve been brushing my teeth for 36 years and I still need to put it on my habit tracker to make sure I do everyday. And, even with that, I still sometimes don’t do it.

We live in a world that is designed for neurotypical people.

We live in a world designed for people who’ve don’t have mental health illnesses.

And where the pain that arises due to periods disappear within one morning or doesn’t exist at all.

I don’t fit into any of these categories and I am sick and tired of trying to.

I am sick and tired of thinking that my inability to thrive in a neurotypical way is a failing of mine and not simply because my brain operates differently.

So, I am done. With fitness influencers, trainers, coaches, self help books etc. that only share advice that helps a small fraction of this world.

I am done.

My word for 2025 is: Unmasking.

I am embracing who I am. My ‘quirks’, my wants, my needs. I am no longer taking the advice of someone who has no clue what it is like to walk in my shoes. Someone who wouldn’t survive walking in my shoes! I will not put stock in their opinions on how we should all be living our lives. I will not try and fit my life into their boxes.

I will ebb and I will flow. I will be Summer and I will be Winter. I will shine brightly and I will let my flame dim. I will laugh and I will cry. I will grieve and I will remember. I will win and I will lose.

I will do it all and I will be me.

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A Note Or Two

As you may guess, I wrote the above in a flood of anger and sadness. I know the people sending out those newsletters and making the YouTubes are just trying to do their jobs and make money. I know they don’t mean to make people feel bad. Or at least I hope not.

But, it still doesn’t stop me from being tired of it all.

Secondly, I know a lot of neurodivergent people may cringe at me talking about unmasking in what, may appear to be, a very flippant way. I know it won’t be easy. I know a lot of people think we shouldn’t unmask but instead adopt some type of alter ego/persona so we can still fit in within social situations.

But, I’m tired of all this too.

I can’t alter nearly 40 years of self-trained masking. But, I want to give myself some grace. Allow myself to take accommodations. To ask for help. To be honest about how I feel with those I trust. To say no. To stand-up for myself. To not feel like everything about me is inherently wrong.

I am allowed.

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Thank you so much for reading.

As always, if you enjoyed this letter or anything resonated, please let me know by replying to this email or, if you are on Substack, by giving it a like or leaving a comment. If you really enjoyed it, please share it or restack it so someone else might find it. Thank you. 🖤

Until next time, take care of yourself.

Love,
Becky
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