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Susan Earlam's avatar

Currently reading (audiobook) Metabolism Repair for Women by Dr Lara Briden. It's really good. There's a whole chapter on shame, she also talks about UPFs.

I relate to the All or Nothing thing. I'm currently in a Nothing phase, other than trying to get out for walks most days and away from my desk.

I've done the All phase once too often and always end up with an injury of some kind!

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Ebony L's avatar

It’s really strange reading something that I can feel your frustration glaring through, but smiling my face off cause I relate so much. I am either autistic Wonder Woman or do not participate in the world; there’s very little in-between. Thank you for writing this.

I’m currently doing the same thing with running. As a former chain-smoking boozer, I used to hate it and now have bizarrely signed up for a half marathon. Mainly using it as an exercise to exercise restraint around err… exercise. I didn’t run yesterday when I was supposed to (socialised too close to the sun over the weekend 😴), and my brain now thinks “now you’ll never run again!!” - but tomorrow, I will. Hopefully…

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Becky Handley (she/they)'s avatar

Thank you so much for reading, Ebony! And for sharing that you relate and in such a similar way to me. It's good to know I'm not alone in these frustrating feelings, even though I'm sorry that we both have to feel them. Thank you again. 🖤

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Susie Wilcox's avatar

Hi Becky, I found myself nodding along to quite a lot here. I too am an ND perfectionist. Many a hobby, course of study or interest has been cast into the shadows because I wasn't perfect at whatever it was straight away. I've often despaired of myself. Now I know why I'm the way I am, I can let myself relax a little bit bur that need to be bloody good at something, ANYTHING, hasn't deserted me.

For me, the one thing I come back to time and again is writing. So I revisited my Substack account the other day snd posted for the first time in over a year and it felt SO good. I just hope I keep going this time. I know what I'm like and it's nice to know I'm no longer alone 🥰

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Becky Handley (she/they)'s avatar

Thank you so much, Susie. It's nice to know I'm not alone too! Thank you. 🖤

I also really appreciate your perspective on it because I would never have thought of it coming from a perfectionist standpoint. I always think of perfectionists who do everything perfectly - get up at the same time, go to the gym regularly etc. But, of course, perfectionism can also stop you from doing things because you are so frozen by not doing something perfectly! It makes so much sense. Thank you.

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