Hi, I’m Becky, an artist and writer based in Derbyshire. I write about my life in what I hope is an honest and open way. I write about an array of topics, such as sobriety and autism, and about simply trying to find my way in this world. Please subscribe to support my work and to read more of my posts.
On Wednesday 18th June, 1pm, I had my autism assessment.
I was officially diagnosed as autistic. I also have alexithymia1 and poor interoception2. (I will write more about this at some point.) I don’t have ADHD which is what I expected.
I have heard a lot of stories from people who have had really bad experiences, not being diagnosed for very asinine reasons etc.
I am very grateful to say that my assessment went really well and it was a really wonderful experience.
My assessor was absolutely lovely. He made me feel very at ease, telling me it was a completely judgement free zone. And he was very funny and kind.
After he told me I was autistic, he said some really kind things.
"You are not broken. You are a very whole person. It is just hard to be neurodivergent in a neurotypical world."
"You are a smart person. I could tell that from the forms you filled out and from speaking with."
"I can tell you are very creative. Amazingly creative! People only ever think of maths when it comes to autistic people and that you can't be creative but that is not true. Autistic people can be very creative."
(These are not verbatim. I kind of wish I’d been recording him but that might have been a bit weird. 😅 This was the general gist though, I swear.)
He also talked to me about concerns he had with some of the things I had told him and is going to send me some details for follow-up care.
I was not expecting this at all.
Before my assessment, my best case scenario was him saying “You are autistic. I will send you the report. See ya!” So, this was really amazing.
I am still feeling quite overwhelmed and full of nervous energy as I write this. I don’t think any of it has really sunk in yet.
But, I am sure it will as the days pass.
I don’t normally do this because I’m a defiant little fucker who likes to write about what I want to write about.
But, if there is anything you would like to know about autism, any questions you have etc, please reply to this email, message me on Substack or leave a comment and I will do some letters in response to your questions and queries.
I say this with love, this does not mean I am opening myself up to anyone’s opinions on my diagnosis. I am autistic. The end.
If you find yourself thinking “I’m not sure Becky is autistic because they aren’t like my five year old autistic nephew”3 but, you can’t understand why this is, I’m not sure I can help you.
Or maybe I can because reading my experience will allow you to see how autism can differ in different autistic people.
And that all the autistic women and AFAB people being late-diagnosed haven’t just magically appeared in the last few years. We’ve always been here. We’ve just been told we are shy or anxious or that we “just need to try harder to engage with others.” Or we’ve been diagnosed with depression or bipolar or a personality disorder.4
And it’s actually quite the miracle so many of us are still here, telling our stories, forming communities, because it could have been (or nearly was) a very different tale for many of us, including me.
So, yes, send me your questions or what you would like to know about but, please be kind. I am only human.
Thank you so much for reading.
As always, if you enjoyed this letter or anything resonated, please let me know by replying to this email or, if you are on Substack, by giving it a like or leaving a comment. If you really enjoyed it, please share it or restack it so someone else might find it. Thank you. 🙏 And send me your questions, if you have any!
Until next time, take care of yourself and have a lovely week.
Lots of love,
Becky
🖤✨🌈
✨If you like my writing and would like to support me but can’t afford a paid subscription, you could buy me a brew instead. 🙂 Thank you so much! ✨
Link - https://embrace-autism.com/alexithymia-and-autism-guide/
Link - https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/interoception-wellbeing
This is not me being patronising, I swear. This is truly what late-diagnosed adults are told constantly.
People can be autistic and be bipolar and/or have a personality disorder. I do not, personally, have either of these but have been assessed for both of them.
Also, I know that some men and AMAB people have gone undiagnosed. This is just me speaking from my personal perspective.
Congratulations. I'm so glad you've done this for yourself. The validation must be totally overwhelming, but in a good way. Looking forward to reading more x
Congratulations Becky 💙 Try and give yourself grace and gentleness, I remember how the immediate post-diagnosis days felt for me - lots of questions and ‘aha that’s why I did that thing ten years ago’ moments. Hope it provides some clarity for you 😊