I understand your feeling, I've also hidden so much of my real self away during my lifetime. It's for the same reason as you - what if they say they don't like it or don't agree? That rejection seems elevated in me and so I try to avoid it because it hurts.
It has improved over time, most recently in fact since I've realised I'm (probably) autistic, along with my children. Together, we start to share with each other what we like and experience, and understand that, with the right people, it's fine. Finding those right people is hard, but when you do you feel safer and feel more like yourself. I'm still guarded in more general public of course, but I'm happier in my own little circle, which is good enough for me.
Yes, I think it's an unfortunate thing that most neurodivergent people have met more people who make us feel not safe than we have people who make us feel safe. And not feeling safe makes the idea of rejection feel much worse.
I am the same. I definitely can share things with people I feel safe with but I do have to be in the right frame of mind. If I'm feeling stressed, overwhelmed or in need of alone time, I can't do it with anyone. And yet, I so often write about things that others would keep private!
I understand your feeling, I've also hidden so much of my real self away during my lifetime. It's for the same reason as you - what if they say they don't like it or don't agree? That rejection seems elevated in me and so I try to avoid it because it hurts.
It has improved over time, most recently in fact since I've realised I'm (probably) autistic, along with my children. Together, we start to share with each other what we like and experience, and understand that, with the right people, it's fine. Finding those right people is hard, but when you do you feel safer and feel more like yourself. I'm still guarded in more general public of course, but I'm happier in my own little circle, which is good enough for me.
Yes, I think it's an unfortunate thing that most neurodivergent people have met more people who make us feel not safe than we have people who make us feel safe. And not feeling safe makes the idea of rejection feel much worse.
I am the same. I definitely can share things with people I feel safe with but I do have to be in the right frame of mind. If I'm feeling stressed, overwhelmed or in need of alone time, I can't do it with anyone. And yet, I so often write about things that others would keep private!
Thank you for sharing with me, Peter.
This is so relatable! I really struggle to talk about books I've read. And the music thing!
Thank you so much for reading and letting me know you relate. 🖤
Very well said! I subscribed.
Thank you so much. 🖤