Some Time Outdoors
Trees, lambs and cats (well, one cat) will all be found within. Plus, some writing.
Hi, I’m Becky, an artist and writer based in Derbyshire. I write about my life in what I hope is an honest and open way. I write about an array of topics, such as sobriety and neurodivergence, and about simply trying to find my way in this world. Please subscribe to support my work and to read more of my posts.
In 2022, I decide to set myself the challenge of walking 1 million steps over the months of November, December and January 2023.
And I was going to do it to raise money for The Sophie Lancaster Foundation1, a charity that means a great deal to me.
Though rain or shine (and one eventful day when it began hailing 30 minutes into my walk), I did it. I walked over a million step in the end and raised just over £400 for the charity.
Now, if the self-help gurus are to be believed, these 92 days of going outside should have left me with a fully-formed habit. I should now be a fully-formed outdoor cat, scratching and meowing at the door to scamper around the fields and hills of my beautiful Derbyshire home.
Oh my darlings, this did not happen.
By February, I was back to having whole days spent in my pyjamas, never even opening window let alone setting a foot outside.
I believe this may have something to do with my impending autism diagnosis. Because, for all the autistics who are extremely rigid in all areas of their lives, there are those who are a little more on the chaos demon side of things, needing to rigidly have the same breakfast every, single day and who utterly despise changes to set plans but then need a reminder to do the daily teeth brush even at the ripe old age of 37.
I will let you guess which camp I fall in…
Getting outside does make me feel better though which is why I prove to be such a frustration to myself on a daily basis. The good things, the simple things will just not click in as habits.
But, I no longer want to beat myself up for being me so I am trying to find some acceptance. Some weeks I’ll get outside everyday and I will make friends with sheep and everything will be grand.
Other weeks, I will be very much an indoor cat. And it’s all okay.
Saying all this, it’s been a rather stressful week at points but I have still managed to get outside. Here’s some photographs from some of my outside adventures.
This is the tree on my Grandparent’s grave. I didn’t use to come here very often because I felt a sense of shame because I hadn't been for so long. (I’d trapped myself quite nicely, hadn’t I?) I thought me not going to there grave meant I had forgotten them.
But I never forgot them. I remember them taking me to visit my Mum when she went back to work. I remember my Grandad meeting me from junior school, every day, and getting sweets on a Friday from the Top Shop. I really loved these bright green, mint squares that I used to drag my teeth along. I have no idea their name but they were tasty. One of my prized possessions is a teddy-bear dog my Grandad bought me for Christmas when I was 5, that has one of my Granny shoelaces wrapped around his collar. I wear one of her rings everyday.
I didn’t forget them. I forgot the bloody tree though so that was a surprise when I first started having regular walks around the cemetery where they are buried.
This is just a nice country lane that leads to some fields. I don’t have any stories that come with this, other than it is right by one of my old schools.
Now for some sheep because who doesn’t love sheep? Particularly baby sheep, more often referred to as “lambs”. I am particularly fond of black sheep. There are just so sweet.
Some pretty views and lots of green.
And one adorable house cat because they are great too.
Thank you so much for reading this week’s letter. I’m not really sure what it was about but that’s quite on brand for me!
As always, if you enjoyed this letter or anything resonated, please let me know by replying to this email or, if you are on Substack, by giving it a like or leaving a comment. If you really enjoyed it, please share it or restack it so someone else might find it. Thank you. 🙏
Until next time, take care of yourself and have a lovely week.
Lots of love,
Becky
🖤✨🌈
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The Sophie Lancaster Foundation Website - https://www.sophielancasterfoundation.com
This charity was set up by Sophie’s Mum, Sylvia, after Sophie was brutally attacked for being a goth in August 2007. Sophie was in hospital for 13 days before she tragically died aged just 20 years old.
The foundation goes into schools, giving talks to teach students that it is okay for people to be different and that we should not be prejudice against someone or hurt someone because they are different.
It’s a charity that means a lot to me. 🖤
I love your writing and photos. It looks like there is a lot of beauty around you