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So, when I began this journey with sobriety, I had not long started my Substack and I quickly thought I could write about it. The Sober Diaries was a fully formed concept in my mind.
And I knew I wanted to write one when I got to 1 week, 1 month, 3 months and 6 months.
Which I did but, then what?
I had not really thought past 6 months. Now, whether this was me trying to stay present or me not thinking I would make it past 6 months, I do not know.
But, I did make it past 6 months and began to wonder when I should next write an update?
7 months on January 1st would be pretty good.
The start of the first year I would be completely sober. But then, I couldn’t be bothered. I had decided to have a break in December which was more needed than I knew.
Okay, what about 8 months?
That didn’t really work for me either. I had other things I wanted to write about and share.
How about 9 months?
And that’s when I came to realise that I would be hitting nine months on my birthday.
9 months, that’s the one.
In the same span of time that my Mum made and grew me inside of her, back in the eighties, I had made a new life for myself.
Not becoming a new me but the real me.
As I commented on a post by
1, I feel less anxiety and have less bad mental days. I am also making much better choices - going to bed early so I can read, not numbing with other things like an endless stream of Youtube videos.Although it has not been a perfect 9 months, I feel more capable and more myself. Like I don't have to try so hard anymore. I can just be and it is enough.
I can just be and it is enough.
And it really is enough, you know?
It’s not all been smooth sailing
I still don’t feel how I think I “should”.
I don’t feel as healthy physically as I think I should. I don’t look in the mirror and feel like I am glowing with the wonders of health.
There are a lot of “shoulds” working their way around my brain and they’ve been doing that for the last nine months.
Nine months isn’t even that long a time, not when you think I have drunk alcohol for 20+ years, starting with cheeky alco-pops or cheap bottles of wine, sneakily drunk at sleepovers. Thinking we were oh so grown up except someone was always going to end up crying whilst someone else threw up.
No, nine months isn’t long at all.
I guess we will have to see if this feeling changes over time.
Only time will tell.
Thank you so much for reading.
There will be no letters for the next two Sundays because it really is my birthday and I’m taking a break. You are allowed to take breaks, when you need them or when you want them. You cannot get water from an empty well, or something like that.
As I am taking a break, I will say thank you to anyone who like, comments, shares or replies to this email now. I will reply in person but it will be in a week or so as I am going to have a proper break. Maybe tape my laptop shut…. But, yes - THANK YOU for you ongoing support. It means the world.
I hope you have a lovely couple of weeks.
Until next time, take care of yourself.
Love,
Becky
🖤✨🌈
The post:
Happy belated birthday, Becky! And massive congratulations and well done on your nine months. It's a massive accomplishment even if the 'shoulds' are still strong. Just being and that being enough is a beautiful, powerful thing, and I'm wishing you lots more of that in the next nine months and beyond x
Happy Birthday 🎂 and congratulations 🎉