Hi, I’m Becky, an artist and writer based in Derbyshire. I write about my life in what I hope is an honest and open way. I write about mental health, autism, sobriety and simply trying to find my way in this world. Please subscribe to support my work and to read more of my posts.
Hello,
How’s things?
I am going to get straight into today’s letter by starting with some Substack articles that I have been loving because one in particular actually inspired this post.
Substacks
I don’t normally come on Substack on a Friday but last week I did and I think it was 100% so I could read this amazing essay by Jane Claire Bradley. From the quote at the beginning, to her discussing her love of Matthew Lillard, I was hooked.
The quote and the first paragraph really speak of how I’ve been feeling on Substack, knowing that I, myself, love the letters/articles/essays that speak from a real, raw, fun place but still feeling this pressure to conform to the the Substack best practices - pick a niche, post consistently, clamber into a box and stay put.
But, as Jane so wonderfully put it:
I’m no content machine. I love what I love. And what I love about having this space to write to you is that it’s mine. Somewhere I can do whatever I want.
My Substack would have crashed and burned within a week if I felt I had to write about the same topic week in, week out, desperately trying to stick to my “brand”. I am not a brand, I am a human being and this is my space of chaos. Welcome.
This article by
is linked in Jane’s article and reading it was a complete breath of fresh air. If you have found yourself worrying about whether you are doing Substack “right”, I highly recommend reading it.Telly
Our Flag Means Death
Before I begin, if you, too, couldn’t stop thinking about this moment from season 1 of Our Flag Means Death, let’s be friends.
Anyhow, for anyone not on the Our Flag Means Death love train, it is the tale of Stede Bonnet, the Gentleman Pirate, who forgoes his cushy life to go of to sea and become well, the Gentleman Pirate. He meets Edward Teach, better known as Blackbeard, and friendship and love ensue.
It is phenomenal and will definitely be one of those shows I watch over and over because it is funny, sweet and it has pirates!
Taika Waititi also looks gorgeous as Blackbeard. He is, obviously, always very handsome but has never really done anything for me, personally, until OFMD.
I know many people will be thinking “Becky, Taika Waititi looks a million times better when he’s NOT dressed like pirate” and to that I say: To each their own!
Plus, that just means more Blackbeard for me.
Gladiators
Oh, this sent me straight back to the 90s.
Sitting in the living room with my Mum and my Grandparents, coal fire ablaze, completely and utterly obsessed with Jet.
It is equally as fun in this 2024 revival but now I am utterly obsessed with Sabre. She reminds me a lot of Charlotte Flair, a wrestler at WWE, who I have adored for sometime.
Back in 2017, my partner got back into watching wrestling whilst I was at roller derby training. I was slightly intrigued but not enough to forgo roller derby to watch it.
Then, there was a Channel Four documentary about the first ever women’s Hell in A Cell match. I saw the advert and I really wanted to watch it. I was convinced that I would be rooting for the pink-haired Sasha Banks but, within moments, I was all about Charlotte Flair, this blonde, insanely athletic powerhouse.
I don’t watch WWE religiously anymore because All Elite Wrestling started and, in a lot of ways, it is better but I do watch some of the WWE Pay-Per-Views and it is always Charlotte I can’t wait to watch.
But anyhow, I digress, I have very much been enjoying the return of Gladiators. It’s a lot of fun and it reminds me of being a kid. We got there in the end.
Books
I have finished off all my Christmas present books and I have now started re-reading some of those on my bookshelf, in the hopes of finding some hidden gems that I haven’t read in a while.
This was one I found:
Crazy Is My Superpower by AJ Mendez
AJ Mendez is a retired wrestler (there may be an unintentional theme to this letter…) and this is her memoir in which she talks about her growing up poor in New Jersey, with parents who weren’t really grown up or responsible enough to have children.
It talks about her making her way to WWE and how she was one of the women who helped lead the women’s division to a place where the women wrestlers are now treated like actual athletes and not subjected to dance competitions and bikini contests. AJ is a nerd who loves comic books, wrestling and who wore Converse at all times whilst at WWE. She broke the mould and, although she was subjected to the dance competitions and the like, she paved the way for the likes of Charlotte Flair, Becky Lynch and Rhea Ripley.
She also talks very honestly about being bipolar and also growing up with a mother who was also bipolar. She does all this whilst being incredibly funny and authentic.
It is a very inspiring book and I love how she talks about how all the things that were seen as her weaknesses - short (she’s 5ft 2), nerdy, skinny, weak, ugly, tomboy, poor, rebel, freak, crazy - turned out to be strengths. Other than the short part, I can highly relate to all of these and that is probably why I really love this book.
A note: The voices still say “Don’t do it!”
Even though when I read Jane’s essay I was like “YES! YES! YES!”1 and I found Caitlin’s article so refreshing, there was still a part of me thinking:
"You cannot send out an article where you are wittering on about Gladiators and wrestling! This is not the right way to use Substack. It’s for proper, grown up writing. This is not that.”
Even though I loved reading and feeling the enthusiasm and energy as Jane talked about her love of Matthew Lillard.
Even though I laughed and agreed when Caitlin said she wanted to get newsletters that contained things like a “pure rant about Cinnamon Toast Crunch”, not “twenty carbon copies of newsletters every week, popping into my inbox at ideal times for engagement, with similar word counts, with SEO-focused titles, responding to topics trending in the news.”
There was still this underlying feeling that I should pick a lane and stay in it. And it had better be a grown-up, sensible lane. None of this wrestling tomfoolery.
Why are we so mean to ourselves?
Why do we think the things we love and enjoy aren’t worth talking about, unless they can somehow fit into some asinine rules someone invented three months ago in order to sell a course or to promote their own articles?
Why oh why…
I fell into this trap on Instagram and found myself constantly second guessing what I was posting and if it was “right”. I don’t want to do this here.
I guess I just have to keep powering through and sending out letters, even if there is a little voice saying “Don’t do it!”
I need to listen to that louder, rebellious voice saying '“Yes! Yes! Yes!”2
✨ What are you loving at the minute? Do you allow yourself to write and/or talk about it as much as you would like?
I hope you have enjoyed today’s letter. I really enjoyed writing it, which was evident with how easily it flowed, until the demons popped up saying “This isn’t right”. I hope that one day I will truly trust that rebellious voice.
As always, if you did enjoy it , please give it a like, leave me a comment or reply to this email. And please give it a share or a restack. It would mean a lot. Thank you. 🖤
Until next time, take care of yourself.
Love,
Becky
🖤✨🌈
This ones for all my fellow wrestling nerds
And again.
Yessss! Loving this Becky, I'm so pleased and honoured that the Matt Lillard gushing help you give yourself this permission slip. I am SO EXCITED about Gladiators, I haven't had chance to watch yet but this needs to happen, I too had a total obsession with Jet (also Scorpion if I'm remembering right) and definitely credit the show as having an early but important role in my gay awakening. Loving the sound of that documentary too, thanks for putting it on my radar. I love how passionately and energetically you describe your love of these things. I've never thought of myself as athletic but having done pole for the past couple of years I'm definitely much stronger than I used to be which is really helping me feel connected to my inner Gladiator glamazon!
So far this week I'm really loving chocolate fudge cake flavoured tea and Cryptonauts podcast, plus I'm hoping to get time this week to do some jamming with my friend's band. I'm not a singer at all but getting to express myself vocally versus on the page/screen is something I'm really hungering for at the minute and I'm excited to follow that pull. Thanks for a lovely post and for linking back to mine too, really appreciate it!
💖💖💖
I just came to the comments to say that I 100% agree with everything you said about Our Flag Means Death. Including the fact that Taika Waititi makes a swoonworthy pirate. Black beard with grey streaks and all. 🔥
Also, I named a section of my Substack posts "Random Sh*t & Whatnot" because who cares? Not really proper, serious writing either but it's fun!