I am in my 50s and struggle with feeling like a failure too. On a positive note - I am more comfortable being myself. I can't control what people think of me and apologizing less. I am not real sure if I can manage a full-time fast paced job either. We are finding our way. My path isn't what I expected, but I am generally happy.
Woohoo, go Becky! Yes, I loved reading this. I made it to uni at 18 but I missed so much because I had to avoid so many things like um... Undergraduates, for instance. I became a lecturer in the end but mature students inspire me so much and they are JUST THE BEST to teach because they really appreciate the experience and are so engaged. Congrats on your first that is awesome X
Thank you so much, Chelsey! It’s so nice to hear you enjoy teaching mature students. I think we all feel a bit weird, like we shouldn’t really be there so it’s nice to hear you, as a lecturer, enjoying teaching us. 🖤
Brilliant piece, Becky (feel like I say that every time but, honestly - you never miss). Thank you for sharing this, and for introducing me to Rich and Rox - I'm so excited to dig into their channel further. I resonate with this so much... and feel very parallel in the as-yet-seemingly-unending-adventure of exploring my past and present through the lens of neurodivergence. That context is so useful for doing that grieving around things that weren't doable in neurotypical ways, as well as giving ourselves credit, recognition and compassion for finding our own ways to do things, on our own timeframe and in the ways we need. I also think the mainstream age milestones are totally capitalist and heteronormative... which is not to say they don't still impact us, but recognising them as part of those harmful systems has helped me embrace queer elastic time much more!
Rich and Rox are brilliant! I hope you enjoy them.
Yes, you are so right. They try to get us all on this same path - school, uni, job, house, marriage, kids - so we can be making money, spending it on all the things we've been convinced we need and living blindly trapped in our little boxes. And anyone who doesn't do it? Well, we're the weirdos and failures. Except, who am I failing by living my life on my timeframe? I like the sound of queer elastic time. I'm going to embrace that too.
I also listened to this episode and found it really refreshing and helpful. Especially as my inner critic is on the rampage at the moment.
I could not BELIEVE it when Rich said he doesn't experience those shame voices. Mind blown.
I also asked my sister and I gave her an example of the thoughts that are on a loop in my head atm 'you're a let down' etc. She said she doesn't really have that. Again mind blown.
I thought WOW Janelle. You're doing pretty amazingly with this bully in your ear. And I felt more compassion towards myself.
Thanks for your letters as ever. I appreciate you, Becky
It mad, isn't it?! What must it be like to not constantly feel in the wrong and like you've messed everything up? Or about to mess everything up, at the very least!
Thank you so much, Nick. I so understand that. I never thought I would get to my thirties. I am so happy I did but you can’t help but look back and see all those wasted years. And that feeling of “If I only knew what I know now when I was younger.”
I am in my 50s and struggle with feeling like a failure too. On a positive note - I am more comfortable being myself. I can't control what people think of me and apologizing less. I am not real sure if I can manage a full-time fast paced job either. We are finding our way. My path isn't what I expected, but I am generally happy.
Thank you so much for reading, Amy. It is all about accepting our own path. We don’t need to like everyone else. 🖤
Woohoo, go Becky! Yes, I loved reading this. I made it to uni at 18 but I missed so much because I had to avoid so many things like um... Undergraduates, for instance. I became a lecturer in the end but mature students inspire me so much and they are JUST THE BEST to teach because they really appreciate the experience and are so engaged. Congrats on your first that is awesome X
Thank you so much, Chelsey! It’s so nice to hear you enjoy teaching mature students. I think we all feel a bit weird, like we shouldn’t really be there so it’s nice to hear you, as a lecturer, enjoying teaching us. 🖤
Brilliant piece, Becky (feel like I say that every time but, honestly - you never miss). Thank you for sharing this, and for introducing me to Rich and Rox - I'm so excited to dig into their channel further. I resonate with this so much... and feel very parallel in the as-yet-seemingly-unending-adventure of exploring my past and present through the lens of neurodivergence. That context is so useful for doing that grieving around things that weren't doable in neurotypical ways, as well as giving ourselves credit, recognition and compassion for finding our own ways to do things, on our own timeframe and in the ways we need. I also think the mainstream age milestones are totally capitalist and heteronormative... which is not to say they don't still impact us, but recognising them as part of those harmful systems has helped me embrace queer elastic time much more!
Thank you so much, Jane. 🖤
Rich and Rox are brilliant! I hope you enjoy them.
Yes, you are so right. They try to get us all on this same path - school, uni, job, house, marriage, kids - so we can be making money, spending it on all the things we've been convinced we need and living blindly trapped in our little boxes. And anyone who doesn't do it? Well, we're the weirdos and failures. Except, who am I failing by living my life on my timeframe? I like the sound of queer elastic time. I'm going to embrace that too.
Thank you again, Jane. 🖤
I also listened to this episode and found it really refreshing and helpful. Especially as my inner critic is on the rampage at the moment.
I could not BELIEVE it when Rich said he doesn't experience those shame voices. Mind blown.
I also asked my sister and I gave her an example of the thoughts that are on a loop in my head atm 'you're a let down' etc. She said she doesn't really have that. Again mind blown.
I thought WOW Janelle. You're doing pretty amazingly with this bully in your ear. And I felt more compassion towards myself.
Thanks for your letters as ever. I appreciate you, Becky
It mad, isn't it?! What must it be like to not constantly feel in the wrong and like you've messed everything up? Or about to mess everything up, at the very least!
Thank you so much, Janelle. 🖤
Ey-up me duck. Thank you for writing this. Lots of love from another Derbyshire lass who absolutely resonated. 💕
Hi! Thank you for so much for reading. 🖤So nice to find someone on here from Derbyshire too! 🙂
Thank you so much, Nick. I so understand that. I never thought I would get to my thirties. I am so happy I did but you can’t help but look back and see all those wasted years. And that feeling of “If I only knew what I know now when I was younger.”
Thank you again. 🖤